英語的笑話精華【15篇】

英語的笑話1

所有人都不和她說話了

　　上中專時同年級有個班，四十多個男生一個女生，長得還蠻漂亮的.。

　　全體男同學(xué)開展了整整半個學(xué)期的pk，從作業(yè)到每天的早飯再到考試。

　　都打點(diǎn)周到，最后女生和外班一男生好上了，第二天上課所有人都不和她說話了。。

英語的笑話2

　　淺議高中英語值日報告

　　英語課上課一開始進(jìn)行5分鐘左右的值日報告（dutyreport）是英語課堂教學(xué)的一個重要環(huán)節(jié)。這種簡單的英語報告盡管只占幾分鐘時間，但對渲染課堂氣氛，調(diào)動和激發(fā)學(xué)生英語學(xué)習(xí)的積極性和創(chuàng)造性，及時復(fù)習(xí)鞏固課堂內(nèi)容起著不可低估的作用。通過多年的教學(xué)實(shí)踐證明，短短的五分鐘值日報告，不僅提高了學(xué)生的學(xué)習(xí)主動性，激發(fā)了學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)興趣和參與意識；同時培養(yǎng)了他們的創(chuàng)造性思維，加強(qiáng)了他們對于英語這門語言的綜合運(yùn)用能力。

　　值日報告的意義和作用

　　教師走下講臺，學(xué)生走上講臺。讓學(xué)生感知和習(xí)得語言，在課堂內(nèi)開展活動。把所學(xué)的'知識轉(zhuǎn)化為活生生的交際事實(shí)，啟用真實(shí)情感進(jìn)行語言操練，從而把真實(shí)生活帶進(jìn)課堂，使語言自然融入交際背景中，使生活自然融入教學(xué)之中。課堂上的5分鐘，需要課后10-20分鐘，甚至更長時間的準(zhǔn)備。做好準(zhǔn)備是做好值日報告的前提。無論是何種形式的值日報告，學(xué)生都要對所要做的報告進(jìn)行選題、選材；閱讀材料、組織材料、加工整理；為最后上臺匯報做好充分的準(zhǔn)備工作。在整個準(zhǔn)備過程中，學(xué)生分析問題和解決問題的能力逐步得到提高，與其它學(xué)生的合作能力也得到加強(qiáng)，實(shí)際上也是一個綜合能力訓(xùn)練的過程和知識鞏固的過程。準(zhǔn)備充分的學(xué)生做值日報告時都會充滿自信，語言流暢，能較充分地運(yùn)用語言知識；一方面提高了自身的英語運(yùn)用能力；另一方面，為課堂創(chuàng)造了一個真實(shí)的英語語境。

英語的笑話3

　　一切都很正常

　　Things Have Been Okay

　　一切都正常

　　A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked.

　　一對年輕夫婦有個兒子，已經(jīng)四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對此深感焦慮。

　　They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

　　他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫(yī)生們總覺得他沒有毛病。

　　Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.

　　后來有一天早上吃早餐時，那孩子突然開口了：媽媽，面包烤焦了。

　　You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother.

　　你說話了!你說話了!他母親叫了起來。

　　I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?

　　我太高興了!但為什么花了這么長的時間呢?

　　Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

　　哦，在這之前，那男孩說，一切都很正常。

英語的笑話4

　　Navajo Message For The Moon

　　納瓦伙族人給月球的訊息

　　When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.

　　在美國國家航天局準(zhǔn)備阿波羅航天計劃時，他們讓宇航員們?nèi)�亞利桑那州納瓦伙族保留區(qū)進(jìn)行訓(xùn)練。某天，一位納瓦伙族老人和他兒子遇見正在巖石間穿行的'航空工作人員。

　　The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:

　　老人問了航天局人員一個問題，但他只會說納瓦伙族語，兒子幫他進(jìn)行了翻譯：

　　"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

　　“這些穿著厚重衣服的家伙在干嘛?”

　　One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

　　一個宇航員說他們正為去月球進(jìn)行訓(xùn)練。當(dāng)兒子傳達(dá)給老人后，老人非常興奮地問道能否請宇航員們?yōu)樗�向月球傳遞一條訊息。

　　A NASA official said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. But he refused.

　　航天局官員回答：“當(dāng)然可以啦!”并吩咐下屬拿來錄音機(jī)。老人的留言非常簡短，航天局官員問老人的兒子可否告訴他們老人說了什么，但他拒絕了。

　　Finally, an official government translator was summoned. The translator relayed the message:

　　最后，他們請來了一位政府翻譯員，他轉(zhuǎn)述道：

　　"Watch out for these fellows! They have come to steal your land."

　　“小心這些家伙!他們來搶你們的領(lǐng)土了。”

英語的笑話5

　　三只烏龜

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.

　　三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。

　　Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

　　它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

　　于是最大的那只烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“你回家去取傘吧�！�

　　The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."

　　最小的'烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　"We won't," the other two promised.

　　“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說。

　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　兩年后，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

　　正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去�！�

英語的笑話6

　　情人來電

　　a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

　　"what was that for?", the man asked.

　　一個男人坐在那兒看報紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的頭。

　　"那是為什么?",那人問道。

　　the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".

　　the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."

　　the wife apologized and went on with the housework.

　　妻子回答說,"這張紙上寫的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)的"。

　　那人說:"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的名字。"

　　妻子道歉,繼續(xù)做家務(wù)。

　　three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

　　upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

　　she replied "your horse just phoned you".

　　三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的.煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時失去知覺。

　　等男人恢復(fù)了意識，問他老婆為什么打他了。

　　她回答說:"你的馬打電話給你"。

英語的笑話7

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印機(jī)不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說我的打印機(jī)也許只是需要清理一下。

　　他還說，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費(fèi)，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試著清理。

　　當(dāng)時我真的被他的話感動了，就問他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么？”

　　“事實(shí)上，這就是我們老板的.主意，”雇員答道：“因為如果我們讓用戶先自行修理打印機(jī)的話就能掙更多的錢�！�

英語的笑話8

　　在我們班，很多男生都很調(diào)皮 (包括我)。今天學(xué)十六年前的會憶的時候，課文里出現(xiàn)了很多“爹""媽媽”“舅老爺”之類長輩的.稱乎，在讀課文時，讀到這里所有男生都小小聲的說了一下“誒，兒子”之類的，女的不服氣，讀到媽媽的時候想應(yīng)我們，但我們都沒讀那字，所以給老師罰站了10分鐘，下次還是別這樣了。

　　In our class, many boys are very naughty (including me). Today, at the meeting 16 years ago, there were many elders in the text, such as "father", "mother", "Uncle" and so on. When reading the text, all the boys said "ah, son" and so on in a small voice. The women were not convinced. When reading the mother, they wanted to respond to us, but we didn't read the word, so we punished the teacher by standing for 10 minutes. Next time, we will still Don't do that.

英語的笑話9

　　款待Treat

　　As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.

　　One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.

　　Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.

　　"An ice-cream cone. Why?"

　　"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"

　　我是新澤西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡邏一條海濱的路線，幾乎每天都能碰上與父母走散的孩子。

　　一天下午，我發(fā)現(xiàn)一個小孩獨(dú)自站在那里，顯然是迷了路。我先是設(shè)法取得他的信任－我?guī)�他到附近的冰淇淋攤給他買了一個蛋筒。過了很長時間，也沒看見他父母的影子，所以我就準(zhǔn)備打電話叫輛巡邏車將他送回總部去。我告訴他站在那里別動，我去電話亭打電話。當(dāng)我回來時，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)他不知道到哪兒去了。

　　警車很快來了。一名警察問我小孩在哪里。我感覺自己傻極了，說自己弄丟了一個迷路的.小孩，該多丟人��！但我還是告訴了警察們所發(fā)生的一切，并描述了一下小孩的長相�！澳阏埶�吃了什么？”一名警察問。

　　“一個冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦？”

　　“因為，”那名警察說，“那個小孩住的地方離這兒只隔幾個街區(qū)。而你大概是新警察中幫他買東西吃的第五個傻瓜蛋！”

英語的笑話10

　　I Will Not Take a Bath I will not take a bath, I won’t get in tub, I has bath last week. I don’t need another scrub. I would need my rubber ducky, a bucket and a boat, my toy whale, a submarine, a rubber ball. No, I can not take a bath. The tub is too small. It’s all filled up with toy. There’s no room for me.

英語的笑話11

　　He is really somebody!

　　" My uncle has 1000 men under him."

　　"He is really somebody. What does he do?"

　　"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "

　　他真是一個大人物!

　　“我叔叔下面有1000個人�！�

　　“他真是一個大人物。干什么的?”

　　“墓地守墓人。”

英語的笑話12

　　【一】

　　Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?"

　　Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.

　　They came out of the cinema at 11 o'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, "Look, Bill. A woman's running along the road very fast, and a man's running after her. Can you see them?"

　　Mr. Jones said, "Yes, I can." He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, "Can we help you?"

　　"No, thank you," the woman said, but she did not stop running. "My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!"

　　【二】

　　One day,a lady talked with her friend saying that the sun is the most beautiful and useful of the celestial bodies.

　　A gentlman who was present, answered: "Yes, Madam, the sun is a very fine body, to be sure, but in my opinion, it is not so useful as the moon."

　　"Why so?" asked the lady.

　　"Because," replied the gentleman, "the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we really want it, whereas we have the sun always with us in the day-time, when we have not so much need of it."

　　【三】

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　【四】

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　【五】

　　"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

　　"Don't listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

　　"Where's the shopping bag?"

　　"I haven't got one, use your hat."

　　“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，”小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：“他們說我長了一個大腦袋�！�

　　“別聽他們的，”他媽媽安慰說：“你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來�！�

　　“購物袋在哪？”

　　“我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”

　　【六】

　　Talking on the Telephone

　　Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

　　"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

　　The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

　　Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

　　在電話中交談

　　每個星期天牧師都會把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來了一臺電話機(jī)。

　　“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對嗎？”他開始問道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱是。“好的，和上帝交談就象通過電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲。”

　　就在這時，一個小男孩尖著嗓子問道：“那他的電話號碼是什么？”

　　【七】

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　一個學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意�！澳莻�大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答�！斑@鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問�！翱粗�，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨兩點(diǎn)鐘了！”

　　【八】

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在將母親下葬9個月后，當(dāng)?shù)貧泝x館的一個客戶終于攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的.價值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來，將尸體轉(zhuǎn)移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中�！斑@副棺材有什么特別?”，我問葬禮的承辦人。他回答說，“這種棺材終生保修。

　　【九】

　　One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.

　　The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"

　　"The hole," replied Peter。

　　一天，老師問彼得：“4減4等于幾？”彼得張口結(jié)舌答不上來。

　　老師生氣地說：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四個硬幣，而你的口袋上有個窟窿，硬幣全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里還剩下什么？”

　　“窟窿，”彼得答道。

　　【十】

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．

　　一個商店經(jīng)理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。”經(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨�！比缓蠼�(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么？” “雨，”店員說。

英語的笑話13

　　A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane.But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind."Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?"The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

　　有兩個獵人包機(jī)前往一座森林，到了以后，他們和飛行員約定好兩周后來接。兩周后，他們射了許多動物，而且打算把這些動物全部搬上那架小飛機(jī)，可是飛行員說：“這架飛機(jī)除了一頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。你們必須把其他的獵物都留下�！鲍C人說：“但是去年另一個飛行員開一樣的飛機(jī)，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有一些其他的動物上機(jī)！”因為他們這樣抗議，所以那個新飛行員想了一想后，盡管還是有點(diǎn)存疑，最后還是妥協(xié)說：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年應(yīng)該也可以�！彼�以他裝了兩頭水牛和一些其他的`動物。結(jié)果飛機(jī)起飛五分鐘后，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個人從飛機(jī)爬出來看了看四周，其中一個獵人對另一個說：“你認(rèn)為我們現(xiàn)在在哪兒？”那個人瞧了一下，說：“我想大概距離去年墜機(jī)的地方西邊一英哩遠(yuǎn)！”

英語的笑話14

　　Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.

　　When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”

　　“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”

　　媽媽讓湯米去馬路對面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴。

　　湯米回來后，媽媽問他，“你買的是好用的火柴嗎？”

　　“是的'，媽媽�！睖�米回答，“我把它們都試過了。”

英語的笑話15

　　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過日子

　　The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。

　　The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"城里人對農(nóng)夫說，"我看你的.豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫 回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"

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