英語小笑話

英語小笑話1

　　two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　"look," said the elder brother. "how nice these paintings are!"

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　"yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. where is the father?"

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　哥哥想了一會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時正在畫這些畫唄�！�

英語小笑話2

　　Story19 Smart Robot Look, this robot carries boxes to build blocks! The new smart robot, Sorry, is 60 centimeters high. It weighs 7.5 kilogram. It has a camera “eye” on its head. It can recognize colors and human faces.

英語小笑話3

　　"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."

　　The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"

　　The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"

　　"法官先生，我的當(dāng)事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認(rèn)路。而且，他只會說幾個英語單詞。"

　　法官看了看被告，問道："你會說多少英文？"

　　被告抬起頭，說："把你的錢包給我！"

英語小笑話4

　　律師、寶馬和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一個律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了�！�

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

　　旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的`狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來。

　　睡前禱告詞

　　Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"

　　AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉葉在做睡前禱告�！岸\告上帝，”她說，“讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都吧。”

　　媽媽打斷她說：“朱莉葉，你為什么求上帝讓那不勒斯成為意大利的首都呢？”

　　朱莉葉回答說：“因為我在地理考卷上是這么寫的。

英語小笑話5

　　How to Become Rich 如何致富

　　Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

　　弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。弟弟：我這個月已經(jīng)賺了一塊兩毛五了。

英語小笑話6

　　who was the first man

　　誰是第一個男人

　　a teacher said to her class：

　　有個老師問班上的學(xué)生：

　　“who was the first man?”

　　“誰是第一個男人?”

　　“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“喬治·華盛頓，”一個小男孩當(dāng)即叫道。

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　“你怎么知道喬治·華盛頓是第一個男人呢?”老師問道，寬容地微笑著。

　　“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　小男孩說：“因為他是戰(zhàn)時第一，和時第一，國人心中第一。”

　　but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

英語小笑話7

　　Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

　　Tom: Every month.

　　爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？

　　湯姆：每個月都有啊！

英語小笑話8

　　On a trip to Disney World

　　in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

　　As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."

　　Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."

　　My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."

　　迪斯尼之旅 弗羅里達(dá)州的`迪斯尼樂園是一個迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅游，我們?nèi)�身心地沉醉在它的各種奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我們要回家了。

　　當(dāng)我們驅(qū)車離開時，兒子揮手說：“再見，美奇�！�

　　女兒揮著手說，“再見，美妮�！�

　　丈夫也有氣無力地?fù)]了揮手，說道：“再見，美元�！�

英語小笑話9

　　While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.

　　旅途中，媽媽想起她忘記給爸爸買一件生日禮物。

　　"That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey."

　　“沒關(guān)系”，他說，“我最想要的東西是你的愛、忠貞和溫順”。

　　Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."

　　媽媽沉思片刻后回答說，“我寧愿給你買一件禮物”。

英語小笑話10

　　A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.

　　The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer."

　　The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

　　一男子去酒吧，點(diǎn)了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當(dāng)他環(huán)視酒吧時，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。

　　該男子問酒吧招待，這只猴子是誰的。服務(wù)員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的'猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎?”

　　鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會為你演奏的�！�

英語小笑話11

　　I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.

　　This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning. In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他們永不會有機(jī)會來享受早晨的新鮮空氣和寧靜。

　　這真是一件 發(fā)令人遺憾的事情。早起是我們應(yīng)該養(yǎng)成的'一種良好習(xí)慣。為什么？因為早晨是我們從事學(xué)業(yè)的大好時間。再者，早起對我們健康也有益處。我希望每個人應(yīng)該知道我們必須早起的理由。

英語小笑話12

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

英語小笑話13

　　Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town． Sotired had the authoritiesbecome of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb．

　　Accordingly he was prepared for burial． The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon． As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it？” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive．” “I'll give him a bushel of corn，” said one．“And I will，”said another． Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor？” “No，you must do that yourself．” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on．”

　　塞思·史密斯被公認(rèn)為鎮(zhèn)上頭號懶人。長官們實在懶得再供養(yǎng)他，便決定把他送進(jìn)一個天然墳?zāi)估锶ァ?/p>

　　于是他被準(zhǔn)備著去埋葬，靈車是一輛搖搖晃晃的鄉(xiāng)下舊馬車。正當(dāng)這列奇怪的送葬隊伍在行進(jìn)時，一些老街坊問道：“這是誰��？”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懶得沒法活了，我們這就去把他活埋�！薄拔襾斫o他一蒲式耳谷子吧，”一個人說�！拔乙步o，”另一個說。 塞思慢慢抬起頭來問道：“谷子脫粒了嗎，街坊？” “沒有，你得自己來�！彼�緩緩把頭放回原處說：“接著走吧，孩子們，接著走吧�！�

英語小笑話14

　　余音

　　About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,'I love you. "

　　即將因工作遠(yuǎn)征出海，我就在西海岸軍營地用一個投幣電話給我的妻子撥了個電話。我剛要離開，電話鈴響了。我估計是讓我交超時費(fèi)，所以只好去接。接話員說:“我想你可能想知道，你剛掛斷電話，那個女的就說‘我愛你’�！�

英語小笑話15

　　Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

　　Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

　　弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發(fā)奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。

　　他回來即嘆道：“噓！謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了！”

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