英語(yǔ)的笑話

時(shí)間：2025-12-17 01:25:00 好文我要投稿

英語(yǔ)的笑話(實(shí)用15篇)

英語(yǔ)的笑話1

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives．He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely． Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall． All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right． “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom．Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall．” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds．”

英語(yǔ)的笑話(實(shí)用15篇)

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的'命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。國(guó)王說(shuō)：“看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)�！� “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆�！�

英語(yǔ)的笑話2

　　好客

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.

　　The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

　　由于客人在吃蘋(píng)果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒(méi)有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開(kāi)了屋子。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤(pán)子里。

　　客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說(shuō)：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的.好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f(shuō)。

英語(yǔ)的笑話3

　　Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".

　　"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I'm going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It's so easy!"

　　一位婦女把車沿著我們銀行的驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口開(kāi)過(guò)來(lái)，可她并不滿意于她停的位置。因此她倒車，靠得更近點(diǎn)。還是不滿意，倒車，再來(lái)。五次努力后，終于她把車停下來(lái)，搖下車窗。我簡(jiǎn)單地問(wèn)候她一聲“早上好”。

　　“早上好，”她愉快地回答說(shuō)，“以后我都要使用這種驅(qū)車直達(dá)窗口。真是如此的方便�！�

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!

　　右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的.招牌，上書(shū)：大減價(jià)！特便宜！

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

　　左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：大砍價(jià)!大折扣!

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.

　　中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著：入口處。

英語(yǔ)的笑話4

　　送禮

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一個(gè)被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。

　　A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.

　　如果我輸了這場(chǎng)官司，我就完了。

　　B:It's in the judge's hand now.

　　這事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會(huì)不會(huì)起點(diǎn)作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不會(huì)的!這位法官很固執(zhí)，非常注意職業(yè)道德。這種花招只會(huì)讓他對(duì)你產(chǎn)生偏見(jiàn)，他甚至?xí)J(rèn)為你蔑視法庭。事實(shí)上，你甚至都不用對(duì)他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一個(gè)有利于被告的.判決，當(dāng)被告離開(kāi)法院時(shí)。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　謝謝你關(guān)于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。

　　B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.

　　如果你送了的話，我肯定會(huì)輸?shù)暨@場(chǎng)官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的確送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.That's how we won the case.

　　對(duì)，這就是我們會(huì)贏這場(chǎng)官司的原因。

　　B:I don't understand.

　　我不明白。

　　A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.

　　這很簡(jiǎn)單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。

英語(yǔ)的笑話5

　　《I Don't Like an Argument》我不想爭(zhēng)論

　　”Gerald,“asked the teacher,”what is the shape of the earth?“

　　”It's round,“answered Gerald.

　　”How do you know it's round?“continued the teacher.

　　”All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!

　　”杰拉爾德，“老師問(wèn)：”地球是什么形狀？“

　　”是圓形的，“杰拉爾德回答道。

　　”你怎么知道是圓的？“老師又問(wèn)。

　　”好吧，那它是方的，“學(xué)生回答說(shuō)：”我可不想與你爭(zhēng)論這件事情�！�

　　生難詞：square adj.平方的，方形的

　　《Two Birds》兩只鳥(niǎo)

　　Teacher: ”Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?“

　　Student: ”I cannot point out but I know the answer.“

　　Teacher: ”P(pán)lease tell us.“

　　Student: ”The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.“

　　老師：”這兒有兩只鳥(niǎo)，一只是麻雀。誰(shuí)能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？“

　　學(xué)生：”我指不出，但我知道答案。“

　　老師：”請(qǐng)說(shuō)說(shuō)看�！�

　　學(xué)生：”燕子旁邊的`就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子�！�

　　生難詞：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀

　　《Three Turtles》三只烏龜

　　Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

　　The biggest turtle said to the smallest one,"Go home and get the umbrella."

　　The little turtle replied,"I will, if you don't drink my offee."

　　"We won't,"the other two promised.

　　Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle,"Well, I guess he isn't coming back,so we might as well drink his coffee."

　　Just then a voice called from outside the door,"If you do, I won't go."

　　三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門(mén)口，就下起雨來(lái)。于是最大的那只烏龜對(duì)最小的烏龜說(shuō)，“回家去取傘吧�！�

　　最小的烏龜說(shuō)，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

　　“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說(shuō)。

　　兩年后，大烏龜對(duì)中烏龜說(shuō)，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來(lái)了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了�！�

　　正在這時(shí)，一個(gè)聲音從門(mén)外傳來(lái)，“你們要是喝了，我就不去�！�

　　生難詞：turtle n.烏龜 biggest adj.最大的

　　smallest adj.最小的 umbrella n.雨傘

　　《Who Is the Laziest》誰(shuí)最懶

　　Father: “Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?”

　　Tom: “I don't know, father.”

　　Father: “Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?”

　　Tom: “Our teacher, father.”

　　父親：“哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過(guò)，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你個(gè)問(wèn)題。你們班上誰(shuí)最懶？”

　　湯姆：“我不知道，爸爸�！�

　　父親：“啊，不對(duì)，你知道！想想看，當(dāng)別的孩子們都在做作業(yè)、寫(xiě)字時(shí)，誰(shuí)在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？”

　　湯姆：“我們老師，爸爸�！�

　　生難詞：lazy adj.懶惰的

　　《Who is Stupid》誰(shuí)愚蠢

　　A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,"Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

　　Little Johnny then stood up.

　　The teacher said,"Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

　　"No,but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　一個(gè)老師在對(duì)學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰(shuí)認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來(lái)？”她一開(kāi)始就說(shuō)。

　　小約翰尼站了起來(lái)。

　　“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？”老師問(wèn)。

　　“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個(gè)人站著�！�

　　生難詞：stupid adj.愚蠢的，遲鈍的

　　《His Fault》他的錯(cuò)

　　Billy:“ Mother, Bobby broke a window.”

　　Mother: “How did he do it?”

　　Billy: “I threw a rock at him and he ducked.”

　　比利：媽媽，波比打壞了窗玻璃。

　　媽媽：他怎么打的？

　　比利：我向他扔石頭，他躲開(kāi)了。

　　生難詞：duck v.躲避

　　《Tom's excuse》湯姆的借口

　　Teacher: “Tom, why are you late for school every day?”

　　Tom: “Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, School-Go Slow.”

　　老師：“湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到？”

　　湯姆：“我每次路過(guò)拐角，一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫(xiě)著：學(xué)校----慢行�！�

　　《somebody》大人物

　　My uncle has 1000 men under him.

　　He is really somebody. What does he do？

　　A maintenance man in a cemetery.

　　我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

　　他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的？

　　墓地守墓人。

　　生難詞：cemetery n.守墓人

英語(yǔ)的笑話6

　　Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild。 Since the young chief never learned the ways of hisancestors， he tells them to collect firewood， then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service。

　　印地安人問(wèn)他們的新酋長(zhǎng)，這個(gè)冬天是冷還是溫暖。這位年輕的酋長(zhǎng)從沒(méi)學(xué)過(guò)祖先那些本領(lǐng)，他只好吩咐他們?nèi)炷静�，然后自己走到一邊去給國(guó)家氣象局打電話。

　　"Will the winter be bad？" he asks。

　　“今年冬天會(huì)不會(huì)很冷？”他問(wèn)。

　　"Looks like it，" is the answer。

　　“看上去是這樣的�！彼玫竭@樣的回答。

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話之今年冬天冷不冷？英語(yǔ)幽默笑話之今年冬天冷不冷？

　　So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood。 A week later， he calls again。

　　于是酋長(zhǎng)要求大家收集更多的木柴。一個(gè)星期后，他又打電話給國(guó)家氣象局。

　　"Are you positive the winter will be very cold？"

　　“你確信今年冬天會(huì)很冷？”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話之今年冬天冷不冷？文章英語(yǔ)幽默笑話之今年冬天冷不冷？

　　"Absolutely。"

　　“毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)�！�

　　The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood， then calls the Weather Service again： "Are you sure？"

　　酋長(zhǎng)隨即要求族人撿更多的木柴，然后再次給國(guó)家氣象局打電話：“你肯定嗎？”

　　"I'm telling you， it's going to be the coldest winter on record。"

　　“我告訴你，那將是有史以來(lái)最寒冷的.冬天�！�

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話之今年冬天冷不冷？笑話大全

　　"How do you know？"

　　“你怎么知道？”

　　"Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy！"

　　“因?yàn)橛〉诎踩苏l(fā)瘋似地?fù)炷静�！�?/p>

英語(yǔ)的笑話7

　　Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　愚蠢的問(wèn)題

　　丹在一個(gè)大城市的.某個(gè)俱樂(lè)部當(dāng)守門(mén)人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過(guò)他的門(mén)口，而且許多人都會(huì)停下來(lái)問(wèn)他:“請(qǐng)問(wèn)現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)?”

　　幾個(gè)月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問(wèn)題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上�！庇谑撬I了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。

　　“現(xiàn)在人們總不會(huì)再停下來(lái)問(wèn)我時(shí)間了�！彼吲d地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來(lái)，看看鐘，然后問(wèn)丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎?”

英語(yǔ)的笑話8

　　Anything Breakable

　　There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

　　"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

英語(yǔ)的笑話9

　　情人來(lái)電

　　a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

　　"what was that for?", the man asked.

　　一個(gè)男人坐在那兒看報(bào)紙,他的老婆用煎鍋打他的頭。

　　"那是為什么?",那人問(wèn)道。

　　the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".

　　the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."

　　the wife apologized and went on with the housework.

　　妻子回答說(shuō),"這張紙上寫(xiě)的名字珍妮,我在你的褲子口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)的"。

　　那人說(shuō):"我上周看比賽,珍妮是我下注的那匹馬的.名字。"

　　妻子道歉,繼續(xù)做家務(wù)。

　　three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

　　upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

　　she replied "your horse just phoned you".

　　三天后，他正在看電視,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎鍋打他的頭,他頓時(shí)失去知覺(jué)。

　　等男人恢復(fù)了意識(shí)，問(wèn)他老婆為什么打他了。

　　她回答說(shuō):"你的馬打電話給你"。

英語(yǔ)的笑話10

　　who want to go to heaven

　　The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.

　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

　　Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋€(gè)人在他說(shuō)教時(shí)打瞌睡。

　　一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺(jué)。于是他低聲對(duì)信徒們說(shuō)：“想去天堂的`人，都請(qǐng)站起來(lái)吧�！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋�(lái)——當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的人。在低聲說(shuō)過(guò)請(qǐng)坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”

　　打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來(lái)�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊希鷼獾目粗�。這個(gè)人說(shuō)道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們?cè)谶x什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”

英語(yǔ)的笑話11

　　Mother and her little daughter

　　KATHEN is my six-year-old daughter and she likes asking me all kinds of strange questions and sometimes did some funny things that could make me go mad. One day I was writing something important in the living room. Then KATHEN came back from school.

　　D:Mummy, this morning I found 10 dollars on the road but I gave it back to the owner. M: Good girl. Did the person say thank you to you?

　　D: No, she pulled my ear and I had to return her the money.

　　M: Poor girl. Well, go to your little room and do your homework now.

　　D: Mummy, if there is a five-dollar bill and a ten-dollar bill on the street, which one will you pick up?

　　M: Of course the ten-dollar bill

　　D: Mum, you are so stupid, why don’t you pick up both?經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)小笑話精選

　　M: KATHEN!!

　　(the daughter ran away quickly)

　　D: Mummy, the teacher asked all the students to make a donation to the victims in the earthquake.

　　M: Ah, did you tell her that you didn’t have any money.

　　D:I’ve told her,but she said you had the money.

　　M: Get away!

　　D: Mum, why do other people live in a so so big house and we live in such a small one? M: Because I don’t have enough money.

　　D: Then how can we live in a very very big house?

　　M: You have to study hard and then you can make a lot of money when you grow up. Then we can get a very very big house.

　　D: So why didn’t you study hard when you were a little child?

　　M: KATHEN, go back to your own room and don’t come to ask me any questions.

　　(KATHEN was reading aloud )

　　M: KATHEN, what are you reading?

　　D: I don’t know.

　　M: You don’t know? But you were reading aloud. So you must know.

　　D: I was reading aloud, mummy. But I wasn’t listening.

　　D:Mum, I want two cents.

　　M: I gave you two cents yesterday and what did you do with the money?

　　D: I gave it to a poor old woman.

　　M: You are a good girl, here are two cents more. But I wonder why you are so interested in the old woman.

　　D:She is the one who sells the candy.

　　M: KATHEN!! Get out of the house and go to play with your dog in the yard, don’t get back until your father come back.

　　D: (run into the house hurrily)Mummy, my pet dog KITTY is gone. I can’t find it anywhere.

　　M: Well, I’ll put an advertisement in the newspaper later.

　　D: It’s no use, my dog can’t read.

　　(the mother fell into a faint. )

英語(yǔ)的笑話12

　　Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.

　　Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

　　父親：哎呀，我剛才違規(guī)右轉(zhuǎn)彎了。

　　蘇西：沒(méi)事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也這么轉(zhuǎn)了。

英語(yǔ)的笑話13

自我介紹

　　班上來(lái)了一個(gè)插班女生。

　　她自我介紹：她說(shuō)我未必會(huì)是最聰明的，我未必會(huì)是最美麗的，我未必會(huì)是最優(yōu)秀的，我未必會(huì)是最幽默的'。

　　正當(dāng)班上同學(xué)都稱贊她的謙虛時(shí)，她突然說(shuō)：大家好，我的名字叫魏碧慧。

英語(yǔ)的笑話14

　　one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."

　　一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說(shuō)：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能首先回答我的'問(wèn)題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家。”

　　the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "it's me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."

　　第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的問(wèn)：“誰(shuí)涂的?請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”鮑勃說(shuō)：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見(jiàn)!”